From love to tears, from tears to blood
by PhaedraDarkstar
Summary: Summary bad, story amazing! Inspired by a song but not a songfic. Kaoru loves Hikaru but Hikaru doesn't love him back, what will Kaoru do? How will fate unfold? So much better than it sounds. Please read! R


Well, here is the first in my string of one shots! This fanfic is based on the song _they say_ by _Scars on Broadway_ however this is **not** written in songfic format. If you don't know the song, I'd suggest looking it up.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran, any of its characters or this song.

Warning: This is rated M for a reason.

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He glanced over at his twin; soon he knew that he was going to notice that he'd been his main focus of the day. They were sitting on one of the host club sofas, but the guests hadn't been let in yet. His brother seemed interested in something else as his large eyes took in every detail of him.

He wasn't sure when to say, or even if he should say at all, he knew Hikaru; hot tempered and not understanding. He surely wouldn't take the news well but he still felt he had to know. There were many things the elder hadn't noticed recently; the way Kaoru always seemed to be looking at him, how Kaoru was always closer to him – but there were things Kaoru hadn't noticed either. His slender hand twitched slightly as it touched the edge of his brother's identical hand softly, too subtly for the elder to notice.

"Hikar..." but before he could finish saying Hikaru's name, the elder stood up, more abruptly then he may have noticed.

"Sorry Kaoru, I'll be right back," he spoke, not even facing his brother as he left the room, Kaoru's eyes following him closely, every movement. Minutes past, the host club was soon to open but Hikaru still wasn't back.

"Kaoru, where Hikaru?" Haruhi approached the younger twin with her innocent question, Kaoru stood quickly, startling the girl.

"I'm just going to find him, tell Tamaki we'll be back soon," he spoke hastily as he almost ran out the doors in search of his elder brother.

He ran through the countless halls of Ouran, looked through almost every door with no luck. His fast footsteps echoed around him as he ran, desperate to find his brother. He stopped and turned when he heard a voice that sounded like his brother's, but as he turned he saw something, something he'd never hoped to see. His amber eyes searched through the vast scenery until he finally found Hikaru and some other person, a graceful looking girl with fair skin although darker than either of the twins' own skin. The elder's hand brushed her face gently as he leaned in and kissed her fully on the lips. Kaoru was frozen; everything felt like it was collapsing in on him, he almost heard his heart stop as he watched now with morbid curiosity, the same curiosity that led him to chase after Hikaru, and the same curiosity that felt like it would kill him. He took in a deep breath that caught in his throat as he trembled. Hikaru's almost identical eyes finally found Kaoru, as he stood straight again, looking deep into his twin's eyes. Kaoru found himself staring without the ability to stop and look away. Hikaru walked over to Kaoru, his own curiosity getting the best of him as well.

"Kao, are you okay?" he asked, his voice was soft; caring, all the things Kaoru loved in him.

"H-Hikaru...y-you and...and..." he stuttered tripping over his own broken up words.

"Her? That's Sarah, did I not tell you?" he asked, surprised with himself. Kaoru shook his head slowly, trying to keep himself together. "Oh! Well, we met not very long ago but she's amazing," Hikaru took in a breath happily, not realizing how much his next words would hurt his brother, "_she's everything I could ever want in a person, and she's right here! Can you believe it?" _

"N-no Hikaru...I can't believe it..." his voice was breaking and shaky as he attempted to play along, but couldn't, he felt everything going, fading like it was all merely a fantasy, something that would never happen.

"Are you sure you're okay Kaoru?"

"Yeah," he spoke airily, "I'm fine, well now that I know you're okay, I'll be going back to host club," he managed to control his emotions enough to speak coherently again; however he had become somewhat robotic.

"Good, do you mind if I stay out here with Sarah for a bit longer?" he asked, '_as if he needs permission_' Kaoru thought sarcastically.

"It's fine, see you later," he left, smiling, waving, running.

Kaoru ran, he could no longer control himself or his actions. He ran past the host club room, he ran out of the building, he didn't know where he was going, but he knew he was going there. His hands clenched into angry fists and tears streamed down his face, it was uncontrollable. 'People have been given so much freedom...why should they bother with laws anymore? Right, to control people, to stop criminals. _Criminals. What a stupid way to class someone, not everyone who breaks a law deserves to be called a criminal.' _ Kaoru's thoughts were the only thing alive in him now, the tears had stopped because he'd run dry but his legs kept moving, as if they had a will of their own. 'Fuck laws, they aren't going to control me, I guess they never did but perhaps it got to Hikaru,' Hikaru, his heart cried out and his eyes welled once more at the thought of what had previously happened. He couldn't think of it any longer, he couldn't face it. 'If laws say a guy can't be in love with his brother, his _twin_, then the laws shall be broken, if there is no way around it,' he felt himself begin to lose his emotions, he began to feel numb. There'd never been a sensation like it! 'People are so afraid...of everything. Of death, of anything that threatens them," the word _threatened_ ran around his head, he played with the word, 'maybe they ban things that are a threat, murderers – they're a threat. Yes...maybe such an act of _incest_ would be considered a threat to the _perfect_ ruling,' he almost outwardly hissed at the word _incest_, 'such a foul sounding word, another class to put people in so they know their place in the word. If they have a relationship classed as _incest_ then...then perhaps they'll feel so out casted, so looked down upon that they won't be able to take it...yeah...'. The young twin almost smiled to himself about the revelations he was making in his head.

Finally he found a place he felt he could stop; he sat on a lone bench in a large park. No one would think of finding him in such a place. As he rested his thoughts invaded him again, endlessly.

'I love Hikaru,' the statement buzzed around his head, almost screaming. 'Hikaru loves me,' he realized that he could think this with utter confidence, 'of course he does! Think about it!' Kaoru sat back on the bench, closing his eyes, breathing heavily. 'He loves me...but he's afraid. Afraid of what? His feelings? What other people may think. That's got to be it.' He realized how much he hated many things at this moment; any possible feelings of future happiness escaped him, fleeing along with his emotions. 'That girl is his distraction, he fools himself into believing he loves her, because that's normal, legal and socially accepted but it doesn't have to be like that, we could run away, we could do anything, because together we're invincible.' He breathed a deep sigh, he truly believed the words he thought, everything. 'It's inevitable though, he won't be able to escape his feelings, much like I couldn't run from mine. We're going to be together, its fate or whatever. Maybe he can't see that, maybe he doesn't want to see that. He won't win though, he'll break up with that Sarah girl and he'll come to me or I'll go to him. Wait, why wait until she goes, why not just go to him, regardless of her?'

His thoughts echoed until the ringing ended, he sat there, alone without even his thoughts to keep him sane any longer. He felt something vibrating in his pocket soon after, he clumsily reached for it, answering before even looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" he asked gently into the receiver.

"Thank God," he could hear the unmistakeable sound of his beloved brother on the other end of the phone, his panicked voice settling down, "Kaoru, where are you? I thought you'd already gone to the host club? That's what you said. Where are you?"

"Calm down Hikaru," he silently smiled to himself, Hikaru sounded so scared, "I'm fine, I just wanted to be alone for a while, meet me outside Ouran, I don't care if you bring the host club or not, but I'll be there in half an hour," with that he hung up, standing up and stretching his tired muscles. He began to run, but not quickly, but steadily.

Half an hour had quickly passed by the time Kaoru had arrived at the gates of Ouran, looking upon his brother and his friends. Hikaru still looked a little scared, 'excellent' Kaoru purred in his mind at the thought.

"Kaoru, are you all right?" Hikaru asked quickly, walking closer to his younger brother. Kaoru hadn't realized it, but he did looked quite a mess: he looked tired; his hair had become messy and wind-blown; his eyes were red and his face was stained with his past tears but still a sinister looking smirk crept along his face, as his eyes locked onto his brother like a target.

"I'm fine, Hikaru," he whispered, making them strain their ears to hear his simple sentence. Hikaru ran closer to him, soon to pull him into a tight embrace. Before he could however, Kaoru had stopped him in a...different way. As Hikaru had approached his younger brother, Kaoru had leaned forward, catching his surprised twin's lips. Hikaru pulled away quickly.

"What was that?" Hikaru asked quietly, holding back his grimace.

"Hikaru..." he whispered gently, too gently for the rest of the host club to hear, "I love you."

"K-Kaoru! Y-you can't, it's wrong, it's illegal even!" he gasped, exclaiming quietly, he didn't want to embarrass his twin after all.

"Yes it is Hikaru, but surely if we love each other...this much...then we can fuck the laws...right?" he spoke, his eyes welling once more, awaiting his brother's loving reply.

"What is wrong with you?" he hissed, he was...angry? Kaoru couldn't understand it. "Kaoru, **what** on **Earth** makes you think I **love** you?" he grunted venomously, hissing the word **love**.

"B-but...but you do!" he insisted, he was certain what he'd thought was true, it had to be! If Hikaru didn't return his feelings, it felt his whole existence is pointless, only half a person. What good is being a mirror reflection if you will never be whole?

"I **don't** Kaoru, you're my **brother** and a **guy **no less!" the way he spoke ripped Kaoru down more and more with each passing word. "I love girls who are in no way related to me, not you Kaoru!"

"Hikaru...I love you...so much," tears slowly began to fall, leaving their friends confused, "I...I can't live without you," he whined desperately, 'how could this happen?'

"Kaoru...I'm sorry but please stop saying that," his eyes were full of anger and disgust as he glared away from his younger twin, the one he didn't realize he was destroying so fully, "it's a sickening thought." That was it, it was those words that did it, the snapped him into utter insanity.

"Hikaru," he whispered, clutching hold of his brother shirt, pulling them closer together until his breath was touching Hikaru's face and lips, in this position Kaoru made his point clear, "does it hurt that much to love me Hikaru? Is it that 'disgusting' Hikaru?" he whispered, trembling, though his voice was stern and serious, "Hikaru...I can't, rather, _won't_ live without you," he almost hissed onto his brother. "One word Hikaru, one word is all it takes," he realised Hikaru, closing his eyes and looking away, eyes still hidden from the world as he shook his index finger sideways, "one word."

"No, I can't Kaoru, I don't love you and I **never** will," Hikaru stated simply, finally loud enough for the rest to hear, those words striking complete confusion into them. Kaoru didn't open his eyes or look towards his brother, he just took in a deep breath as he spoke gently, audible enough for all to hear, "fine then, I'll miss you, I hope you'll do the same," he glared straight at Hikaru, his golden eyes set in red looked more threatening than anything right now, Kaoru gathered himself together as he turned to leave. Hikaru then understood what Kaoru was planning to do, and there was no way!

"Wait Kaoru!" he called roughly, he didn't stop walking, but he call back, his broken voice replying in the most sinister tone.

"I'm listening."

"I'm **not** going to change my mind Kaoru, but I want you to!"

"I'm sorry Hikaru, I gave _you_ the choice," he finished as he disappeared round the corner, Hikaru ran after him but he seemed to disintegrate into thin air, he was gone.

"Kaoru..." he mumbled to himself, tears beginning to sting in his eyes.

Hikaru arrived home shortly after, only to find all the maid running around in a panic, tears in the eyes of some and worry in others. Hikaru already knew what had happened as he leapt up the stairs of the mansion until he saw him. Kaoru was lying on their once clean white bed, now stained with the blood of his brother. He could have been sleeping if his eyes weren't staring back at him, the same stare in his cold, lifeless eyes that he had even when he was alive, the stare he used when he looked at Hikaru sometimes, but more recently, the same eyes he'd had when Kaoru had found him with Sarah. He was slightly curled over, the knife he'd used was gleaming red with the blood that had been spilt, and under the instrument was a small square of paper. He stalked towards it; his younger twin's eyes were following him, his every movement as he had done in his lifetime. He lifted the blade to read the neat writing that had been written addressed to him.

"Hikaru, I told you I wouldn't live without you. Would it have hurt less to have just said yes? You didn't have to mean it, but you drove me crazy. I couldn't...wouldn't live without you. I gave you the choice, I rested my life in your hands and you couldn't tell me you loved me. I will miss you. Will you miss me? Tell our friends, well, I guess they're _your_ friends now, how funny. Tell them I said bye. Tell them the story, and don't lie." He had spoken the written words aloud to himself, tears spilling down his face; he turned back to his brother, the sight making him feel ill, and guilty. His skin had paled to a ghastly shade of white which clashed with the crimson in an unsightly manner. He laid there; large, long, deep cuts adorned his arms and wrists. Funnily he was on his own side of the bed, Hikaru's side was still a perfect shade of dazzling white, maybe it was simplistic in some way but he was much too choked up to think straight. He fell to his knees, sobbing, holding onto Kaoru's limp, frozen hands.

**Hikaru's POV**

His funeral was the worst day of my life, there were so many tears and I couldn't bear to hear them say his name. It shouldn't be like this. People stared at me, some stares sympathetic and others stared at me as if I did it. No...I was much more hurt than anyone else here; they didn't know him...at all. The host club was here too, although it would never be the same, we all lost an important member of our family, one that was led into an early grave, fuelled by love. It's like a bad romance film, although it was reality. I still can't quite grasp that. Maybe I never will. We were always together, from day one, and we had never had a real fight, ever. This was hard; it was like I was somehow dead with him. A few days before he was buried I had got into a fight with Sarah and we had broken up. Now, months later, I stand where I had done all that time ago. I stood where I had mourned for you, I had never stopped.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come as often as I wanted, my parents felt it was bad for me to come here too often," my voice was quiet and I couldn't control it; I was in the habit of saying _my_ now, "I mean _our_ parents, NO DAMMIT!" I tripped over my words, yelling to the ground as tears leaked from my eyes, my eyes which were similar to yours, but not identical. They were never exactly the same and now I know why. Yours were filled with love, with hate, with anger, but mine were simple. Filled with joy when I was happy or sorrow when I was sad and only one at a time, until _that_ day, then they were filled with realization, with sorrow, confusion and anger. "Mum and Dad miss you, they're beside themselves with sorrow, I'm really, really sad though. I _do_ miss you Kaoru, and I wish there was a way I could know that you can hear me. I'll just have to hope I guess." I sighed deeply, "The host club misses you too, Tamaki says it's like losing a family member, although I have, he doesn't know what it's like to lose a sibling...one so close. They're all really upset." I walked closer to his headstone, I knelt in front of it, placing one hand behind it as I leaned closer to it, it was the same position I used when I was comforting him, making him happy. I guess I can't do that anymore. "Did I tell you I broke up with Sarah before your funeral? I've had some other girlfriends but they never lasted long...I wish you could've lasted longer. I wish you could ask me again now, put your life in my hands or whatever, once more. Now I can tell you, and I pray you can hear me, yes. Yes to everything, I do love you. I'm not lying because I want you back or anything, I can tell you, I really do love you. But I won't kill myself to join you, I can't do that, then they'll be no remains of us left. Kaoru...I love you...I'll never forget you but one day this pain will dull, and I'll be over you. I'll settle down with a girl, mum will give me the company and I'll have a family. I'm sorry Kaoru, but there is nothing else I can do. I love you," I spoke, my voice cracking and breaking as more and more tears fell. I knew some people were passing me in the graveyard, staring at me and some were crying as they heard me talk, but I no longer cared. All I wanted was Kaoru back; I wanted most what I couldn't have. I stood up carefully as I gently placed a kiss on your headstone, wishing I could see you here now and it wouldn't be a dream. Yes, I have dreamt of you Kaoru. I turned and left the graveyard but I will return another day, and I will recite to you another story, but my love will burn for months, years and I will tell you when I love you, and I will pray to you every waking moment. I will send you all my love always and I will also tell you when I stop loving you and when this pain dies down. Kaoru, you deserve to know and I'm no longer afraid of hurting you because I didn't know that I destroyed you, I couldn't have hurt you more.

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Is this sad enough to earn some fan girl squeals and crying?

Please R&R

If you cry, I want to know!

Tell me all your thoughts about this.

Thank you.


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